Eet Angs 吃愁 Katherine Meeding

          Exhibitions 展览

My trip and residency to China coincided with significant relationship problems. The distance, already present, grew more vast the moment I set foot in a foreign country.

Due to lack of communication, I was wrapped in a blanket of silence. Slowly… my blank room and the echo of nothingness became a sanctuary of thought; my dreams and emotional state a glittering subterranean subconscious. I was spinning a precious cocoon, a psychological sanctuary.

I forced myself to have a routine of getting out, trying new food and visiting new places to eat. The process itself was cathartic: not only is it hard to face people in a depressed state, but it is also even more difficult to do so in a foreign language. This whole procedure, including having to figure out and read a Chinese menu, converse in Chinese and make decisions in an unknown world, is not dissimilar to the process of personal growth and venturing into uncharted emotional territory.

It felt like I was eating my angst and sadness. The ingestion of my pain resulted in the sanctification and purgation of my emotions, in turn causing a renewal and restoration. Out of the pain and sadness, there was an awakening and personal and artistic growth.

艺术家在开始中国驻地与旅行后,就仿佛一直与某种“有意义”的“关系”问题所牵连着。在她踏上这片异土的瞬间,这种已存在的距离变开始了它的无限延展。

由于缺乏某种沟通,艺术家把自己包裹在沉默的被窝里。慢慢地,空白的房间和虚无的回声形成了思想的避难所,艺术家的梦境和情绪的状态也呈现在一个闪闪发光的潜意识中。她试图编织一个珍贵的蚕茧,也是一个心理上的庇护所。

渐渐地,艺术家开始强迫自己每天外出,与陌生的环境展开接触,尝试新的食物或去新的地方吃饭。对她而言,这个过程本身就是一种宣泄:困难的不仅是在尴尬的状态下与人接触,使用异国的语言更让其难上加难。在这看似简单的“餐饮”过程中,包括了必须弄清楚和阅读不同语言的菜单,用不同语言去交谈,并在不熟悉的环境中做出决定。这其实与大多数人的个人成长过程,冲动地进入未知的情感领域,并没有什么不同。

这种感觉,对于艺术家来说,就像是在吃掉她的焦虑和悲伤。以此来摄入的痛苦,让她的情绪得以升华和净化,也产生了情感上更新迭代和修复。对于艺术家来说,出于痛苦和悲伤,才能带来某种觉醒,以及个人和艺术上的成长。